When You're the High Performer, No One Knows What to Do With

I’ll admit it: I haven’t always been easy to manage.

I’m not careless, negative, or unmotivated, far from it. But I’ve learned that being a high-performing employee in a low-performing system can feel like trying to fly in a room with no windows.

Here’s a truth I’ve wrestled with: I’ve struggled with almost half of the people who’ve been my direct or indirect supervisors.

I’ve reflected on this for hours. Ruminated on it. Left myself exhausted and defeated.

See, I’m not a bad employee.

I’m hardworking. Well-liked. Ambitious. A quick thinker. I challenge the status quo, not to be difficult, but because I can’t unsee what could be better. I push the people around me to be and do better, and I stand shoulder to shoulder with them through the work. I don’t lead from ego. I’m team-oriented and achievement-driven.

And that’s why this pattern has taken such a toll, more than any manager may have realized.

Recently, during a late-night doom scroll (you know the kind), I came across a post that hit me in the chest:

"High-performing employees are hard to manage, especially if the manager isn’t one."

That line cracked something open. Suddenly, so many moments in my career made sense.

I thought I was identifying opportunities.

Maybe they felt I was pointing out their flaws.

I thought I was striving for justice.

Maybe they didn’t share my urgency-or even see the injustice.

I thought I was helping us think big.

Maybe they thought I was straying too far from what felt safe.

I’m not afraid of doing hard things.

But maybe they were afraid of being seen as not doing enough.

Signs You Might Be That Employee

If any of this resonates, you might be a high performer operating in a misaligned system. Here’s what it can look like when your drive outpaces your environment:

• You ask big questions, and often get met with silence or defensiveness.

• You spot inefficiencies and offer solutions, but your ideas are ignored or shut down.

• You hold yourself and others to high standards.

• You get labeled as intense, intimidating, or “too much.”

• You crave meaningful work and can’t fake enthusiasm for tasks that feel purposeless.

• You value feedback, but you rarely get any that helps you grow.

• You think in possibility, and get met with practicality.

• You advocate for equity, justice, or people, and are told to calm down or let it go.

These aren’t red flags. These are the qualities of people who care deeply and think critically. These are the people who drive innovation, build culture, and move organizations forward when given the space to do so.

Why This Hits Women Especially Hard

For women, especially in traditional or male-dominated environments, these dynamics land with added weight.

We’re often conditioned to be agreeable, accommodating, and non-disruptive. So when we show up with clarity, urgency, and ambition, it’s not always welcomed. It’s misunderstood. We are told that we’re aggressive when we’re just direct, that we’re pushy when we’re passionate. That we’re too much when we’re simply not willing to settle.

And because many of us are collaborative and relational at our core, the friction doesn’t just frustrate us, it hurts.

We start to question ourselves. We shrink. We burn out. Or we leave.

How to Advocate for Yourself as a High Performer

If you’ve found yourself in this kind of mismatch, here are a few ways to protect your energy and lead yourself forward:

• Be direct about how you like to be managed. Let your manager know what motivates you, how you process feedback, and what derails your productivity.

• Clarify your intent. Frame your suggestions as collaborative: “I want to make this better,” not “I think this is wrong.”

• Document your impact. Track results, progress, innovations, and feedback. It strengthens your confidence and your leverage.

• Ask for what you need. Whether it’s mentorship, autonomy, challenge, or clarity, and say it plainly.

• Know your worth. If the system won’t adapt, you’re allowed to find one that will.

What It Feels Like to Find Aligned Leadership

Here’s what I’ve learned to look for:

• You’re challenged, not micromanaged.

• You’re trusted to lead, not just follow.

• You’re encouraged to grow, not just stay in your lane.

• Your perspective is valued, even if it’s disruptive.

• You feel seen for your potential, not just your output.

When leadership aligns with your values, everything shifts.

You stop bracing for pushback. You stop justifying your ambition. You stop tiptoeing around your own brilliance.

Instead, you bring your full energy to the table. You lead boldly, contribute freely, and create in ways that reflect not just your skill set, but your standards.

And while I’ve known the ache of misalignment, I’ve also known the other side. I’ve worked under strong, secure, generous leaders, people who trusted me with the big stuff, gave me space to do the work, and met my intensity with presence and purpose. They led with graciousness and gratitude. They pushed me to be better, not smaller. They weren’t afraid to give me back what I was giving.

When you find that kind of leadership, possibility isn’t something you chase.

It’s how you move through the world.

If this kind of leadership feels unfamiliar to you, that doesn’t mean you’ve asked for too much. It means you haven’t been led by someone who sees what you’re capable of yet.

But it’s out there. And when you find it, it won’t feel like a reward.  It will feel like alignment.

What’s Coming Next

This is the first post in a series on high performance and leadership alignment.

Next, I’ll explore what it looks like to lead high-performing employees well, how to build systems that retain them, and how we shift from compliance-based management to coaching-centered leadership.

If you’ve ever felt like your drive was misunderstood, or like your “too much” was really just too misaligned, I hope this series helps you reclaim your voice and your value.

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TLDR: High performers thrive in environments that value clarity, curiosity, and challenge.

If you’ve felt misunderstood at work, it might not be about your approach—it might be about the system you’re in.

You’re not too much. You just haven’t been fully seen yet.

The right leadership doesn’t ask you to dial it down. It invites you to lead fully.